Divine Mojo

Dear Blogoverse -

The time has come to put my little bloggy to bed for a while.  I’ve been contemplating it for some time, and I think the time is now.  I may ressurect in some other form, and my dedicated readers will be sent the linky-poo.

It has been a marvelous ride on the Divine Mojo express.  Email me if you want more scoop.

Loving you all,

Me

I know, I know.  I’m about to be excommunicated from the “I Love Edward” Club.  But I’m telling you, I am slogging through Breaking Dawn.  I loved Twlight.  New Moon was good.  Eclipse was mediocre, but this… I don’t know.  Bella and Edward are always fighting.  Jacob is always pining.  And so it goes.  And so it goes.

And yet, I am still reading.

So, in order to release some of my pent-up energy around all this, I humbly present:

The Top 10 Reasons Bella is a Boob

1. Wah, Wha, Wha, I’m in love with a perfect vampire who loves me, but I jerk him around with flirting with a werewolf
2. I’m mad because he bought me a really, really expensive car that will keep me safe
3. I’m bitching because I have the perfect wedding that I didn’t have to plan or pay for
4. I’d rather wear old moldy sweatpants and offend my perfect vampire boyfriend
5. I fight uselessly with my perfect vampire boyfriend
6. I am tedious
7. I am desperately immature despite the attempt to convince you otherwise
8. I’m a klutz
9. I such a stupid human, why would I want to become a stupid vampire
10. It is a freak of nature that Edward and Jacob all love me and I’m such a dumb-shit I don’t get it.

John swears my knives are just waiting for me to blog about them.

Yup, that’s how it goes in my home.  Even my kids tell me what to blog about.

But back to my knives.  To the Henkel, Wustof, and Messermeisters in my kitchen: Hey, knock it off.  Why can’t you fellas hold an edge?  I mean, WTF???  I take you to get sharpened by “professionals” (the cute Cutlery people who bring their small children to work with them while they sharpen knives… that shoulda been my first clue).  And you hold an edge for how long? 10 minutes? 5?  Give a poor Food Network Addict a break.

I can’t afford the time or the gas to continually bring you back to the Munster family that runs the local cutlery store.  I just need you to hold an edge, guys.  I mean, I know some guys have a problem now and then, but hell, is there a Viagra for knives that won’t stay sharp?

And I’m limited in my resources… I live in Utah County for heaven’s sake.  And I’m not going to drive to some tiny little sharpening store run by some wizened gnome in Sugarhouse… I just won’t do it.

Maybe I need to invest in my own sharpening kit (complete with DVD!) and do my own knives.

No, if I had been meant to be a sharpener I would have found that vocation years ago… this is a crisis, people. I NEED MY KNIVES!!!!

Hell, I finally train my kids to treat my knives with the respect due a small, orphaned kitten, and now my knives rebel and go dull.

I have retarded knives.

What is it right now, that in my life, retardation seems to be appearing all over the place.

Hell.  Damn.  Whatever.