Being Aware

Sep 19, 2007 by

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The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware.”

–Henry Miller

There is a lot going on for me right now. However, I’m approaching it in a different way. Because it is different, I am exhausted physically. I want to be in bed at 10 every night. I want to lie around in my jammies in the evening watching the Food Channel or, as I did last night, watch The Biggest Loser and eat toasted marshmallows.

But underneath the apparent relaxation, there is a lot being processed in my brain right now. There are a lot of thoughts about who I am, what I want, and where I am going. You know, the little things.

I am watching my children as they navigate through their lives. Kjarsti adjusting slowly to the new school, Robbie making decisions about sobriety and girls, Julia prioritizing her time so she can juggle school, work, friends, and Alchemists. John is off being his own man, but I will have time to connect with him this weekend. He will undoubtely show up in his magnificence.

I want to be aware. I want to be conscious of my patterns, my decisions, my triggers. I was writing a brochure for a new class Heartway is offering, and I wrote the following:

The path to self-enlightenment begins when we chose to become conscious of our patterns, our reactions, and take accountability for our life. The Illuminated Life is a course designed to bring about another layer of healing, through a personal alchemical journey. This path will not be a gentle stroll, but a twelve-month birthing into a deeper level of being.

So, yes, I want to be conscious and aware and to take accountability. Is it any wonder the Food Channel is appealing to me right now? All my old patterns of denial, hiding, and people-pleasing are rearing their ugly heads and saying, “Hey, what about ME?”

Tomorrow we head up to Lava Hot Springs for Weird Shift Weekend. This will be the third time I have attended (the last one was right after the car accident in January, so I couldn’t attend) and everytime I have been major shifts and “ahas” happen. It is no wonder that so many people in the group are feeling hesitant about the coming weekend. It moves things!

Because this blog is read by so many personally involved with me and my journey, I don’t feel it appropriate to go into an enormous amount of detail about my journey. Suffice it to say I am seeking my center and blossoming into an authentic me.

 

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3 Comments

  1. You have been tagged for The Personal Development List. I would love for you to participate.

  2. Done! Check the link on the left.

  3. Thank you for linking to the Personal Development List! I really appreciate it. :)

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