Wherein I discuss pre-menopausal symptoms (you may avert your eyes)

Jul 29, 2008 by

As I am in my early 50′s, I am experiencing the symptoms of the onset of menopause, sometimes called “pre-menopause”, “perimenopause”, or “hell” depending upon who you are quoting. According to the Mayo Clinic:

“Perimenopause marks the interval in which your body begins its transition into menopause. Perimenopause encompasses the years leading up to menopause — anywhere from two to eight years — plus the first year after your final period. It’s a natural part of aging that signals the ending of your reproductive years.

Night SweatsThe levels of your reproductive hormones — estrogen and progesterone — rise and fall unevenly during perimenopause. Your menstrual cycles may lengthen or shorten, and you begin having menstrual cycles in which you don’t ovulate. It’s only during cycles when you do ovulate that you can become pregnant.

Hot flashes and sleep problems. About 75 percent to 85 percent of women experience hot flashes during perimenopause. Their intensity, duration and frequency vary. Sleep problems are often due to hot flashes or night sweats, but sometimes sleep becomes erratic even without them.”

OK, folks, let’s talk about “night sweats”. This is my favorite part of hell. I awaken at night with the sheets damp and my entire body covered in sweat. It is so lovely.

But wait… there’s more.

Lately I’ve noticed water in my ear, as if I’d been swimming. It bugs me. Every time I’d yawn I’d find my ear making that sloshing sound. Someone suggested using a decongestant. Well, I figured out what the water was coming from.

Yup, you guessed it. The sweat from my night sweats is running into my ear.

I AM NOT AMUSED, PEOPLE.

Frankly, I am going to have a long talk with my reproductive formerly reproductive organs and remind them that they are walking a thin line between staying and going. Between my ovary that blows up now and then and the hormonal free-fall I seem to be doing, I’m ready to yank them all out and say, “There, that’s what you get for being possessed!”

Now, you will all forgive me if I make a call to my gyney.

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6 Comments

  1. Oh man, I’m so sorry.

    I’m having unexplained massive hot flashes at age 35, so I can empathize with you about the sweating.

  2. I say toss them out with yesterday’s trash! I’m thinking repro organs are highly overrated anyway! Especially if they are possessed or faulty!

  3. Let’s do an exorcism! exhorcism? How bout just exing them…excommunicating them! oo now that sounds like fun. I’ll send them a letter informing them of their court date for such unruly behavior.

  4. In the words of one of my heros, Maxine:

    Don’t think of it as hot flashes, think of it as your inner child playing with matches!

  5. Ann cracks me up. And I’ve had a few hot flashes (but no water in my ears). No fun!

  6. ha ha– I guess it’s not so funny but you sure find the humor in it all!!

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