My Brain Hurts: Balancing the Buddha and Woo

Jan 9, 2011 by

I have completed the first week of my meditation practice.  That means I actually “sat” every day.

What an interesting ride!

I had to get over my organized religion training of “You have to do it right and if you don’t do it this way, you are doing it wrong.”  Yeah, in meditation, there is no “wrong” or “right”.  It just is.  And sometimes it is good, and sometimes it is hard, but it always “just is”.

I have become very clear this week that I need to write down why I left organized religion and where my journey has taken me.  I will begin that series today.  Resistance? I has it!  But this is the year I don’t run from resistance.

I have also become very clear this week that I have been given an incredible gift. I have been given a person in my life who chafes me.  And it is in that chafing that I can learn about myself.  I am choosing to be grateful rather than killing her. :)  I am sure I will be writing more about my lessons with her, my Angel of Clarity.

Yesterday I had a wonderful afternoon with my dear friend Linda.  We chatted and laughed and made vision boards.  This is mine:

This morning I lay in bed reading Pema Chödrön. Pema always blows my mind, makes me shift against the long-held beliefs in my mind.  Today she got me with this:

“The difference between theism and nontheism is not whether one does or does not believe in God. It is an issue that applies to everyone, including both Buddhists and non-Buddhists.  Theism is a deep-seated conviction that there’s some hand to hold: if we just do the right things, someone will appreciate us and take care of us.  It means thinking there’s always going to be a babysitter available when we need one.  We are all inclined to abdicate our responsibilities and delegate our authority to something outside ourselves.

Notheism is relaxing with the ambiguity and uncertainty of the present moment without reaching for anything to protect ourselves. Nontheism is finally realizing that there’s no babysitter that you can count on.  You just get a good one and then he or she is gone.  Nontheism is realizing that it’s not just babysitters that come and go.  The whole of life is like that.  This is the truth, and the truth is inconvenient.”  When Things Fall Apart, page 48-49

OK, I get it.  Waiting for someone to fix thing for me is unrealistic.  But where does that fit with my belief in God and angels, guides, and guardians?

Now you know why my brain hurts.

I feel my angels, and I can feel their compassionate loving care.  I call upon them

I call upon God and ask that my children are safe and protected, knowing that they have their free-will to chose what shows up in their life.

And yet, I am being asked to just know that “life’s a bitch and then you die”, but in a good Buddhist way of course.

So I’m taking the way of allowing the dichotomy, having the opposites just exist together.

And yeah, did I mention my brain hurts?

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