On Poo-Poo Princessdom

Mar 30, 2006 by

This post appears on Maternal Alchemy

Linda and I went Visiting Teaching last night, and on our way back she posed a question to me. “What did we do wrong?”

What she was referring to was the question we have been discussing for months. How is it that there are women out there whose husbands cater to their every need, their every want and desire, and yet we have been the bread-winners, the workers, the leaders in our families for years?

What did we do wrong?

We laughed for a moment, but then we both pondered the question. I suggested it was because we were too strong, too independent, too controlling. “No”, Linda reminded me, “Susy (her name has been changed) is very controlling. That’s not it.” Susy’s husband just bought her a new $60,000 car. She wanted it, she got it.

Why didn’t we marry men who believed that women should stay home, have their every need and want met, and should be given a credit card with unlimited funds?

Now, I’m not saying I would have been happier that way… I’m just curious as to why I didn’t get that?

Of course, the answer is simple. I didn’t want that. I came from a mother who worked, who loved to work, and who made her way in the world. She was known as a genius in her field, a field that was dominated by nerdy men. She was my example, my hero. Why wouldn’t I desire to work, to make my way in the world? She taught me, “You don’t need a man.” Somehow I translated that into, “You don’t need a man to ‘take care of you’, so do it yourself.” I wish I’d had a little different dictionary.

I have worked for many men who have Poo-Poo princesses as wives. These were gorgeous, blonde, fit, women who spend their lives shopping, redecorating, and shuffling their children around in expensive cars. They get their nails done, spend hours at the gym, and have housekeepers. The husband wants a trophy, the wife wants his money. It’s a beautiful arrangement. They are independent, strong women. They are controlling. What is the difference?

It isn’t just a question of money. It’s more the attitude of the husband that says, “I will provide. I will take care of you. I will be sure you are safe and cared for.” Somehow I missed that element. This is not to say that my husband doesn’t want those things for me… it’s that we both seem to be the one saying that.

I guess this is something that Linda and I will be discussing for some time. In the meanwhile, I’ll take my last $5 and buy me a sandwich for lunch. It is my need and desire.

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  1. Glo

    I’m so sorry, but my latest letter from The Universe informs me that I will be a Poo-Poo Princess. I apologize in advance for that massive rock on my finger and sports car in the driveway.

    Yeah. Right.

  2. Liked this post. I have often wondered the same thing. My dictionary had a weird translation, too (my mom was also a strong working woman, in a male-dominated field). I’d like to try the princess arrangement temporarily, at least, so I may decide if it’s for me or not (as if that’s gonna happen)!

  3. HOLY COW! This was absolutely brilliant and insightful. When I go to work every single day of my young life while other women in my Ward live in the lap of luxury it makes me feel embittered towards them. Especially because they use their excessive free time to complain about their husbands. I often talk about this with my Mom and we both say the same thing as you, “Where did we go wrong”? Not to say that I don’t have a wonderful husband because I do, I guess I’m just not Princess material.

  4. Have you read Hugh Nibley’s “Approaching Zion”? He’s all about money being Babylon. My dad’s almost done with it, and it’s on my reading list. Maybe you and your VT partner haven’t done one thing wrong.

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