The Truth about Men

Sep 29, 2006 by

I relate this story that my Bishop’s wife (BW) and my very own Visiting Teacher told me last night. When I asked her if it was ok to blog, she said, “Man, blog away!” BW’s step-mother doesn’t always get her facts straight, and often confuses words, and that is the subject of this post.

The story begins like this:

Several weeks ago BW’s brother came to his wife seeking his shoes. “Do you know where my shoes are?” he asked her. The wife said, “Yes, they are downstairs, to the right of the sofa between the magazine rack and the end of the sofa.”

Even with those very specific instructions BW’s brother couldn’t find his shoes. “Honey, I can’t find them!” He hollered back up to her from downstairs. She called down to him, “That is because you don’t have a uterus!” She immediately went downstairs and found the shoes exactly where she had described them.

Well, in a moment of confusion or gratuitous self-indulgence, the wife relayed this story to her mother-in-law, none other than BW’s step-mother. There was laughter and what not.

Cut to a family party several weeks later. Remember, no one at the party had heard the story of the lost shoes. So imagine their shock and awe when BW was assisting her younger brother (not the one with the shoes) in filling his plate. The brother was holding his infant, so needed an extra pair of hands.

When the Step-mom saw BW filling the plate, she said, in a very loud voice, “What? You can’t fill your own plate because you don’t have A VAGINA???”

Silence filled the kitchen. “Did she say what I thought she just said?” BW wondered. The children at the party heard the strange word and noticed the intense uncomfortable silence. Soon they began querying their parents, “Mom, what is a vagina?” This made for some interesting conversation. The brother who had lost his shoes shot his wife a look as if to say, “You told MY STEP-MOTHER?”

Well, still not understanding her great faux pas Step-mom had another opportunity to show off her sense of humor. A few minutes later the Step-Mom’s husband, BW’s father, who had not been in the kitchen for the previous “discussion” called to her from the panty. “Do you know where the catsup is?” Step-Mom went over to the pantry and called in, “What, you can’t find the catsup because you don’t have A VAGINA?”

At which point the door to the pantry swung open, Dad stood there, with a bottle of catsup in his hand and his jaw dropped to the floor. “What did you just say?”

And so, boys and girls, the truth about men is revealed.

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6 Comments

  1. glo

    Laughing! What a great story!

    What a scary revelation about Dad….catsup reveals so much that we think is hidden…

  2. That is HILARIOUS!!! The step-mother’s goof-ups make it even better. Thanks for the midnight giggle.

  3. It’s true, men are lost without a vagina.

  4. *wanders in*
    *flight reflex awakens*
    *quietly backs away*

  5. In our family we consider the uterus to be the homing device. Vagina, uterus, vagina, uterus. Whatever.

  6. I’m tired of locating property for my teenaged daughters too. Does the uterus work only after you have a baby? I guess if that’s it, I can consign myself for a good reason.

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