I’ve been really, really busy for the last month. My older daughter got married, and I had a huge list of projects for work in order to prepare for an event.  Consequently, I haven’t given much time or energy to this blog.

Tomorrow morning I go into hospital to have a hysterectomy with some lovely (and much anticipated) bladder repair.  I was in the exact hospital four months ago for hip replacement surgery. My recovery was great, except for the anxiety I experienced during my time at home.  It was really quite horrible.  But I made it through.

I am in a MUCH better place than I was 4 months ago.  So much has shifted for me, it is really wonderful.  I look forward to the recovery time as I have prepared my room and I have tools and skills to help me with the anxiety (should it reappear).

I have had many friends promise to do this and that for me.  It will be interesting to see who actually comes through…  With the hip surgery I really saw who my real friends were.  :)  There is nothing like a friend who will clean your closet, deal with your OCD behaviors, and sit with you while you have a breakdown.  Blessings to them.

My BFF Linda will take me to the hospital tomorrow… at 5:45 a.m.  Bless her for her sacrifice.  She promises to stay with me and be my advocate.  She’s like that.  This won’t be the first hospital trip with me.  She is a calming and loving soul, and her healing influence keeps me grounded and safe.  My other BFF Janny will also come down and minister to me.  She is also one who knows what I need and when.  She knows that I like my head touched, and that holding my hand when I’m anxious can bring me to a better place.

Sometimes we underestimate the power of our presence.  For many people just “being” there for them, without any “doing” at all, is enough.  I am so grateful for those who have served me in the past, and who continue to support me now.

I am blessed with the ability to make nurses and doctors laugh and smile.  I know that theirs is a heavy load, and if my humor or smile can lighten it for them, then I will do that.  I also know that even though I may be hurting or uncomfortable, there are many others who are suffering far more than I.

So, if I’m not around for a few days, just know that Madame Morphine and I are good friends, and that I am doing my work to recover.

In advance I thank you for your prayers, your energy, and the love you send.  I can feel it and I know you are with me.

Everyone go out and have a GREAT WEEK!  We are all one so I know that your strength and your love and your energy will help me more than I could possibly express.

Although if someone would come mow my lawn, I’d be über grateful.  :)

Lianne Life's Little Dramas, Way too personal

I was a member of an organized religion for over 30 years of my life.  In that church we were taught very specifically how to pray, what words to use, what order to pray in, and very importantly, to use the “formal” pronouns of Thee and Thy.  There were also requirements about kneeling, bowing your head and folding your arms.

Because I was an over-achiever in every area of my life, especially religion, I was a good pray-er.  I could rattle off the correct words and phrases and sound uber eloquent.  But personally, prayer was an extremely important part of my life.  I could talk to God, and I could get answers.  Unfortunately, sometimes my answers didn’t make that church too happy.  :)

When the church and I went our separate ways a little over three years ago, I was suddenly faced with the dillema of how to pray.  I mean, I really got it that God doesn’t care how you pray.  There are no requirements for verbiage, order of requests, or closing the prayer in a specific way.  But that left me trying to reinvent how to pray in a way that worked for me.

It has been a long journey over the last three years, and I am assuming I will continue to shift my way of praying depending upon my needs and my “head space” of the moment.

Natives American pray with their prayer pipes.  Praying with a pipe involves ritual, the pipe is loaded very specifically and with great respect. The pipe carrier prays as the pipe is lit and the entire bowl is smoked as the person prays.  The prayers are believed to be carried to Creator by the smoke.  It is a beautiful, quiet, sacred experience to observe someone praying with a pipe.

Many people across the world pray with repeated prayers.  I had been taught in my previous religious training that repeated prayers could be considered “vain repetitions” and were to be avoided (although interestingly enough, that church also had repeated prayers for certain ceremonies).  But I’ve always been fascinated with repeated prayers.  Maybe it was all the “Ave Marias” I sang in choirs, but there was something delicious about it.

About a year ago, I had the opportunity to speak with a man I consider to be very spiritual.  He is a practicing Catholic, although I doubt a very “traditional” one.  I asked him specifically how he prayed, and how he used the repeated prayers of  the rosary.  At the time, I found his answer interesting, but I couldn’t really wrap my head around in. However, today, I am beginning to understand.

He told me that the repeated prayers were like a mantra.  His mind and body were so conditioned to those repeated phrases, that he would immediately go into “prayer mode”.  His body would relax, his mind would quiet, and he felt the deep connection between him and God.  After he got to that place, he would begin his prayer.  Then, after he had unburdened his heart, he would do a short ritual at the end.

The ritual involved the breath.  He said, “I breathe in Jesus, and then I breathe out Jesus to the world.  My breath represents all the love, gratitude, and light that the Christ carries for us all.  I am then filled with Jesus, and I know I have sent that energy into the world.”

So, fast forward to about a month ago.  My sister and I are talking about her upcoming meditation retreat at Spirit Rock, in Northern California.  She explains to me that this meditation is for “Metta”, which means loving-kindness.  ”Metta involves meditating and repeating prayers for yourself, for your loved ones, for your enemies, and the world in general,” she explained.

That was intriguing to me.  If you remember my foray into silent meditation when you just focus on your breath, you know that I struggled to just sit for 5 minutes, much less being able to quiet my mind and focus on my breath.

But last weekend, my sister called me after the retreat.  We spoke for about 2 hours.  I hung on her every word.  She explained to me the life-changing experience of sending love to yourself and to others.  The unraveling of layers and layers of ego-imposed issues, and the opening of the heart to truly love all people blew her mind.

So, after our conversation last Saturday, I started thinking.

What if I could either find or write a prayer that I could repeat that would put me into a quiet, prayer-like state?  What if I could start to employ the concepts of Metta and repeated prayers to connect to God/Creator and my higher self?

I wrote the prayer and I wrote the Metta phrases that resonated with me (I confess to stealing some of my sister’s phrases, because they were just so darned good!).  I even went so far as to find a bracelet I had made with a certain number of beads so I could pray with the “prayer beads” (I’m still undecided about that part, as it really doesn’t fit with Metta… however, I never do anything the normal way)

The first time I prayed, repeating the phrases I (finally) memorized, I truly had a great experience.  As I prayed for myself and for others, my heart was stretched open in love.  I really did find a connection with Source quickly, and deeply.

This is the prayer I wrote, which I repeat over and over until I feel connected. (These are not my Metta phrases)

“Thank you, Mother, Father, for your grace and guidance.

Thank you for family and friends, health and safety.

Thank you for the ever-present abundance

that is reflected in each moment of my life.

May all living beings have peace and safety, health and well-being,

May all their needs be met, and may their hearts be filled with love.”

I know that at any time during the day or night, when I feel the need to connect with Source, I just have to repeat these words in my head a few times, and the energy shifts.  Whether you call this a prayer or a mantra, the result it the same.  It transports me to a place of peace, utterly in the present, and it calms my soul.

Prayer is a deeply personal experience.  No one should tell you how to pray, because it is your communion with Source.  Find the ways that express your light, your love, and your heart, without fear that you will offend God.  For all that God asks is that you are sincere and honest, and that you express the feelings and desires of your heart.

Lianne Prayer, Spiritual Ritual

My sister just returned from a meditation retreat at Spirit Rock in Northern California.  We spoke last night for a good long while about her experiences, and what she had to share excited me.  So I was up bright and early this morning reading about Metta Meditation.

Metta is all about loving kindness, to yourself, to others, and to the world.  In the meditation you repeat four phrases which express that loving kindness.

May I be safe and protected.

May I be peaceful and happy.

May I be healthy and strong.

May I have well-being.

What may seem on the surface to be an easy approach to meditation (Yeah, I get to say words instead of just focusing on my breath!) isn’t easy.  But you knew that.  I, on the other hand, had to experience it for myself.

When I meditate, I usually don’t sit, because it hurts my hips.  However, this morning, I was absolutely drawn to sitting.  Was it uncomfortable? Yes, but not overwhelmingly so. I noticed the discomfort, adjusted as necessary, and continued.

However, as I have discussed before, my mind is a very busy place.  Even repeating 4 simple phrases was difficult.  Sometimes I couldn’t even remember what I was supposed to say.  (Can you tell I am really new at this?)

However, with all the physical discomfort and mental hula I was doing, there came a sense of aliveness.  When I was complete, I got up and returned to the experiences of the day.  But what I noticed was that my body was tingly, as if excited by the practice.  (My hip still grumbled, but it tends to be a bit cranky at times).  That tingly sensation lasted for about 20 minutes.  It was cool.

My sister explained a little about reaching “bliss” or “rapture”.  She said that it was “weird, but cool”, “strange, but good”.  Being in an altered state can affect you that way.

I didn’t reach bliss, but I did reach a realization that sitting in a place of quiet and stillness is very good for me, and my spirit needs that peace and quiet.

I am grateful to learn new ways of being.  I am excited about what my life holds for me.

Lianne Meditation Practice, My Mind is a Dangerous Place, Way too personal

I have to confess, I am very new to the Tarot.  It is complicated, intriguing, and the cards just speak to me.  Yes, I still have to look them up (and I find that checking several references gives deeper meaning) and I still have ponder what the heck it all means.

But they speak to me.

Last night I did a reading for myself, and I was amazed at the power of the cards and how the reading just flowed.

Saturday, I did a reading for my dear friend.  Again, simply beautiful.

I believe the cards are telling me to relax, enjoy, and that the information will flow.  There is no rule that you have to have them all memorized before you use them.  There is no rule that you have to be “taught” how to use the tarot.  No, the cards are calling to me, and I have picked them up with love.

Those who believe that the Tarot is dark magic are uninformed.  Those who believe it is fortune telling are approaching it all wrong.

They were merely archetypal sign posts which, when discerned intuitively, can help you tread a little more carefully, or with a lot more hope.  And no one believes that hope is misplaced.

So, for the next month or so, I would like to offer up FREE Tarot card readings to help me practice.  If you would like me to do a reading for you, please comment.  I will then email you and we can work together.

Don’t you just love FREE?

Lianne Tarot Neophyte FREE!!!, Tarot

Sometimes I just get a wild hair. Things that fall into that category: dusting the ceiling fans, mowing the lawn (hey, I’m old), and creating a new page for the website.

So, yesterday I sat in a space of creation and meditation and this is what I came up with: Your Angels’ Messages.

Do me a favor, check it out, and comment what your experience was. Also, any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

I have to tell you though, my angels were like a bunch of cheerleaders when I was doing it, giving me exact wording and ideas. Thanks you guys, you’re a great team.

Lianne Angels, Silly Woo Angels Among Us, Creative Woo

By nature I am not a terrifically patient person.  I like the tidy, the sewn up, the complete.  Waiting for resolution on ANYthing makes me a little nuts.  I learned long ago NEVER to pray for patience, because somehow patience comes up and slaps you right across the face.  Yeah, I have learned that little lesson.

So lately I’ve had to sit in the space of “no resolution” and “no closure” on a few things.  In stead of making myself crazier by the waiting, I decided to approach it from a different perspective.  I would feel it, breathe into it, and release it.  Let the feelings of “incomplete” flow over me and notice how I felt.

Guess what? I survived, and I grew, and I got into a good space.

But yesterday my team of very noisy angels gave me the “go ahead” to start the process of resolution on one of the unresolved situations I had.  They knew that the time was ripe, and that closure would come, and in a very good way.

And it did.  Is it completely finished?  Likely not, but I feel a grounded peace because some major things shifted between me and another person.  In fact, it has been a week of resolutions, and not in the “New Year’s” kind of way, but really resolving some deep things within myself.

Last night I was pondering the event of the week and I have to admit.  I was just a teensy bit proud of myself for the way I handled some things.  It is a great feeling to look back on some of the wreckage I’d created, and see that it was finally beginning to heal.

And my angels, bless their little crazy hearts, brought the message home to me about timing.  It’s a small thing, but then angels often use small things to teach us.  I had just said out loud to myself something about “perfect timing”, when I stood to go check my laundry (I told you it was a small thing), and just then the drier buzzer sounded.  I could hear the angels giggling next to me, because they thought they were so clever.  (And they are).

Yes, if we listen and wait, divine timing can create miracles in our lives.  And not just for the little things.

Lianne Angels, Way too personal Angels Among Us, Small things

Man, I got my butt kicked last night.  And not by anyone but myself.

My sister has been teaching me about Buddhist meditation.  You know, sit on a cushion, breathe, clear your mind, breathe, quiet your mind.

Yeah, my mind is quite the opposite of “quiet”.

In fact, I purposely took note of the the majority of the thoughts that go through my mind.  I discovered something quite frightening.  Many of my thoughts are judgments and assumptions about others, and also criticisms of others.  WOW! For someone who is purported to be a “lightworker”, that was some pretty amazing revelations.

So, I am tuning into my thoughts, becoming more conscious of what is going on in there.  HELLO!  Would the voices in my head just simmer down for a second!

Part of the journey, in fact, most of the journey is just to become conscious of what you are thinking.  I know it will shift things for me (it already has), and as I practice mindfulness and meditation, I know my skills will improve.  But improvement isn’t really the point.  It is the practice.

(Already the critical voice in my head told me that I have to “get good” at it.  Sheesh, shut up already!)

So today, just for moments, listen in to your head. Take note of what is going on in there.  I am sure you’ll be amazed!

Lianne Change Happens, My Mind is a Dangerous Place It's my life, meditation, mindfulness

I was in Long Beach, California over the 4th of July visiting my sister.  California is home for me, and these trips are always such amazing and special times.  This last trip was no exception, and I’d like to share one of the adventures I had with my sister.

On Friday morning as we discussed our plans for the day, my sister suggested that we go visit a “woo woo” store.  I was quite surprised at this suggestion, as my sister is not woo woo at all.  However, she is terrifically supportive of my woo ventures.  Little did we know what kind of an experience we were in for.

The website said Points of Light opened at 10:00 a.m., and we arrived about 10:15.  The store was dark and the sign said closed.  For some reason we didn’t turn around and leave, and I’m really glad we waited.

About 3 minutes later a woman arrived at the store.  Her arms were laden with a purse, a basket, and a cup of coffee.  When my sister volunteered to hold her coffee while she unlocked the door, the woman was startled.

“I don’t let ANYone hold my coffee!”

She let herself in and closed the door behind her.  A few minutes later she returned, unlocked the door and held it ajar.

“Well, are you coming in, or should I let the door close?”

My sister and I obediently entered the store.

First impression of the store was that it was dark and dingy.  Shelves were filled floor to ceiling with gallon glass jars containing herbs.  There were wind chimes, cauldrons, books, crystals, and various other woo stuff.  Points of Light is more than just a woo woo store.  It is a wiccan-goddess-pagan Disneyland.

We began browsing through the dark corners of the store, when we heard the door jingle open.  In walked an older woman (older than I) and approached the proprietor.

“Are you Crystal?” the woman queried.  Her eyes were the size of saucers, and they darted around the store nervously.

“Well, whoever is asking that question doesn’t know that six years ago I changed my name to Rhapsody!” the proprietor announced.  I caught my sister’s eye and smiled.  ”So, who sent you here?”

“Um…” the woman stammered.  ”Michelle.”

“I know a lot of Michelles.” Rhapsody snapped back.

The woman with the deer in the headlights look cleared her throat.  ”You know, Michelle and Paul.”

“Uh huh.” Rhapsody mumbled under her breath.  ”So, what do you want?”

“Well, Michelle said you could help me with a spell.”

My sister and I involuntarily inclined our ears to listen.  A spell?

“What kind of spell are you looking for?” Rhapsody asked the woman impatiently.

The woman looked nervously around.  ”Well, this man I am dating is having some problems with former girlfriends.  I was wondering if you could do a spell so they would leave him alone?”

Rhapsody just started at her for a moment.  Then she nodded, as if receiving instructions from a silent muse.

“Was he an a-hole* to these women, cause no spell is going to counteract him being an a-hole!”  (*Please note that she didn’t use an abbreviation to any of her profanities.)

The woman vigorously shook her head.  ”No, no, he’s really nice!”

“But you don’t know if he was an a-hole to these other women or not!  I can’t do no spell on women who have been treated badly by an a-hole!”

I am not certain, but Rhapsody may have had her hands on her hips at this point.  That was right after she lit the charcoal and put it in a cauldron and added incense.  The woman fell silent, obviously considering that she had made a grave error in listening to her friend Michelle.

At this point I approached Rhapsody with the deck of tarot cards I wanted to purchase.

“Are you done?” she asked me.  I nodded.  She stared me down.

“You need to come back this afternoon for Dave to do some healing.” She ordered.

I smiled, because it seemed like the safest thing to do.  ”What kind of healing does Dave do?” I asked.  ”Is he a Reiki Master?”

“Honey, everyone in Long Beach is a f-ing Reiki Master.” Rhapsody pronounced.

I laughed nervously. “I’m a Reiki Master,” I said tentatively.

“Well I am too,” Rhapsody replied.  ”That’s my point.  Everyone in Long Beach is a f-ing Reiki Master.”

I still never found out what kind of healing Dave does, nor did I return as ordered.

After I paid for my cards, Rhapsody reached for a blue bottle.  ”This is my Blessing Lotion. I’m going to give you some.” She poured some into my hand, my sister’s hand, and the woman-wanting-a-spell’s hand.  We all obediently rubbed it in.  It was heavily floral, but felt delicious.  ”I was going to give it as a birthday present,” Rhapsody explained, “but I decided to keep it.”  She rubbed some into her hands.

We were obviously dismissed, so my sister and I left the store.  When I got into the car I started laughing.

“OMG, we have to always refer to this place as ‘The Sassy Witch Store’.” I told my sister.

I cannot wait to go back.

When we got home, we read some of the reviews about the place.

“Points of Light is a fabulous metaphysical book store. You can find almost anything you might need there, and if it isn’t in the store, the owner will try and get it for you. The energy in the store is so positive, and it is a comfortable place to spend time. The owner, Rhapsody, is a wonderful person, with a really good heart. She is one of these people who is very direct and to the point, and has very little tolerance for insincerity. She is not real tactful, but she will tell you just how it is. If you really want to learn, or are trying to resolve an issue in your life, Rhapsody will go out of her way to help you. The only thing she asks is that you respect her and her store. I have met some great people in that store, and I value having Points of Light, and Rhapsody, and my new friends in my life.”

“I go to this store because it is plain out fantastic. The owner, Rhapsody, she is honest, truthful, kind and doesn’t put up with garbage & crap from people who want special treatment because they have issues to get past. The products Rhapsody carries in her store are hard to find anywhere else. The incenses and oils are blended by her & are very strong and powerful.”

And then some others that weren’t quite so glowing.  Here is an example of one of the less positive reviews:

“The store has a lot of interesting products and services but the owner of the store ruined my whole experience. I’ve met people who are straightforward, honest and direct, but this woman was down-right rude. I’ve been to the store on several different occasions. Sometimes she is helpful when customers she’s interested in ask questions, other times she is rude, unwilling to help and mean. They have A LOT of handmade products that I would really be interested in buying and learning more about, but the owner has completely turned me off from the store. For me, it just isn’t worth it.”

Personally, I would go back just to see Rhapsody.  I love someone who is real, tells the truth, and isn’t ashamed of who they are.  She’s a character, plain and simple.

This was absolutely one of the highlights of my trip.

Lianne Silly Woo, Way too personal It's my life, Sassy

I was an awkward eleven year old.  My hair was always flat.  I considered myself fat.  I wanted to be popular, but alas, I always fell short.  My best friend was a girl named Nancy Moulton.  She was delightful. We lived fairly close to one another, and we’d play together often.

But then Nancy became friends with Jeanne Jacobsen.  Jeanne was one of the popular girls. She had perfect hair, and all of her clothes came from the Sears Catalog (I know, I know, but at the time I thought that was so amazing).  And Jeanne wanted Nancy all to herself.

So suddenly I found myself left out, ignored, and avoided.  There were secrets, and whispering, and lying. Nancy was at Jeanne’s house after school.  Nancy was at lunch with Jeanne, and I wasn’t invited.

I will never forget the day I found out that Jeanne was having a slumber party and everyone in the class was invited except me.  I was devastated.  What did I do to incur her wrath, and how did Nancy get sucked into “the dark side” and leave me behind?

Whether this was the inception of one of my greatest issues, or just another event that added to it, it is the first significant case of “being left out” that I remember.

Weakness Alert: I would love to be able to tell you that I am completely over this issue.  But I am not.  In fact, it’s in my top five favorite issues that likes to raise its ugly head. In fact, I’m knee-deep in a drama right now, and no matter what I do, I cannot seem to shake it.  In fact, this has been the main issue for the last year of my life.  I AM SO DONE AND BORED WITH THIS.

So, how does one heal from life’s little dramas, especially those really deep core issues that we seem to revisit over and over again?

The Buddhists would tell you to feel it, relax into the feeling, and then let it crest and eventually pass.

Those who are into energy would tell you to be sure to cut the energy cords between you and anyone creating drama in your life.

Life Coaches would tell you that all you have to do is really learn to love yourself, and then what other people think doesn’t matter.

The Angels would just smile and laugh and remind you that we’re all one, and we’re all loved perfectly.

Well, all that is fine and good, but this is what I know:

• If I’m in a drama, I’m putting myself there.  Really, I can let go of the story and step out of it at any time.  I didn’t say it was easy, I just said I could do it.
• It is highly likely that the people I think are creating the drama aren’t really doing anything at all.  In fact, it is highly likely I never even came to their mind.  Again, I’m creating the drama.
• My core issue does indeed spring from the “I’m not good enough” seed, which I am sure you are all sick of working on as well.
• And finally, WHY THE HELL would I want to be with people who keep secrets, leave me out, and ignore me?

I was warned that the energies of the Solar Eclipse and the New Moon in Cancer would keep emotions high, and shine a light on relationships (relation-shits).  And guess what?  That is EXACTLY what is going on.

So, I’m going to shift this.  I’m going to be in GRATITUDE for the lessons, GRATITUDE for the relationships that obviously meant so much to me that it does hurt and just send them all love.  I’m going to be in GRATITUDE for people who do honor their commitments and their friendships, for I am blessed with many who do.

So, to all of the people out there, from Jeanne Jacobsen to the present day people, I say “Namaste.  Thank you for the lessons.  Thank you for your powerful presence in my life. I send you love and forgiveness.”

And so it is.

Lianne Life's Little Dramas, Way too personal It's my life

Just a moment ago the sky opened up and gave us a rare Utah rainstorm. I heard it, then I smelled it, and then I knew I had to get up and go outside in it.

In order to remind me that this New Moon was in Cancer, the rain was yet another sign that water, emotions, family ties, and other emotional relationships are really up right now.

So I stepped into the rain, walking on the grass. Nature wanted my attention, and she got it.

I am in gratitude for the small moments I don’t miss. I am in gratitude for being in a quiet place where I could hear.

Lianne Moon Work, Spiritual Ritual Emotional Weather, Mother Nature